‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not an iPhone was buzzing, nor the click of a mouse;
The Androids were plugged on the night stand with care,
In hopes that new Snapchats soon would be there;
The children were nestled in their new Casper beds;
While Spotify Discover Weekly songs rang in their heads;
And Mamma in her Net-A-Porter, and Dad in his Mr.
In a beach Airbnb, applied aloe to blisters
When outside the Dropcam detected a clatter,
I checked my Canary app to see what was the matter.
No breach had been made but I was up from my rest,
So I decided to rise and check on the Nest.
The beach air was humid, there wouldn’t be snow,
But I checked Yahoo Weather just to be sho’,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But an Amazon drone, presents strung to its rear,
This Christmas was outsourced to Jeff Bezos himself,
St. Nick no longer pulling gifts from the shelf.
More rapid than reindeer, cardboard boxes they came,
Asked Siri how to gift wrap and she called me by name.
I feared the children might wake from the sound
Of the drone’s swift deliv’ry, boxes pounding the ground.
When I checked I was right, but they were caught in their feeds
Tinder and Instagram, @fuckjerry indeed.
They tapped and they liked, swiped left and swiped right
The Phillips Hue lightbulbs glowed green and red light.
I glanced at my Apple Watch to check on the time:
Morning was coming, signing the end of this rhyme.
But before I press publish, and wait for first light,
Happy Christmas to all and to all, a good night.
‘Twas The Night Before Christmas In 2015
More TechCrunch
Tags
Looking Glass makes trippy-looking mixed-reality screens that make things look 3D without the need of special glasses. Today, it launches a pair of new displays, including a 16-inch mode that…
Replacing Sutskever is Jakub Pachocki, OpenAI’s director of research.
Intuitive Machines made history when it became the first private company to land a spacecraft on the moon, so it makes sense to adapt that tech for Mars.
As Google revamps itself for the AI era, offering AI overviews within its search results, the company is introducing a new way to filter for just text-based links. With the…
Blue Origin’s New Shepard rocket will take a crew to suborbital space for the first time in nearly two years later this month, the company announced on Tuesday. The NS-25…
This will enable developers to use the on-device model to power their own AI features.
It ran 110 minutes, but Google managed to reference AI a whopping 121 times during Google I/O 2024 (by its own count). CEO Sundar Pichai referenced the figure to wrap…
Google launches Firebase Genkit, a new open source framework for building AI-powered apps
Firebase Genkit is an open source framework that enables developers to quickly build AI into new and existing applications.
In the coming months, Google says it will open up the Gemini Nano model to more developers.
As part of the update, Reddit also launched a dedicated AMA tab within the web post composer.
Here are quick hits of the biggest news from the keynote as they are announced.
LearnLM is already powering features across Google products, including in YouTube, Google’s Gemini apps, Google Search and Google Classroom.
The official launch comes almost a year after YouTube began experimenting with AI-generated quizzes on its mobile app.
Motional cut about 550 employees, around 40%, in recent restructuring, sources say
Around 550 employees across autonomous vehicle company Motional have been laid off, according to information taken from WARN notice filings and sources at the company. Earlier this week, TechCrunch reported…
The keynote kicks off at 10 a.m. PT on Tuesday and will offer glimpses into the latest versions of Android, Wear OS and Android TV.
Google Play preps a new full-screen app discovery feature and adds more developer tools
Google Play has a new discovery feature for apps, new ways to acquire users, updates to Play Points, and other enhancements to developer-facing tools.
Gemini on Android becomes more capable and works with Gmail, Messages, YouTube and more
Soon, Android users will be able to drag and drop AI-generated images directly into their Gmail, Google Messages and other apps.
Veo can capture different visual and cinematic styles, including shots of landscapes and timelapses, and make edits and adjustments to already-generated footage.
In addition to the body of the emails themselves, the feature will also be able to analyze attachments, like PDFs.
The summaries are created based on Gemini’s analysis of insights from Google Maps’ community of more than 300 million contributors.
Google says that over 100,000 developers already tried the service.
The system effectively listens for “conversation patterns commonly associated with scams” in-real time.
Google announces Gemma 2, a 27B-parameter version of its open model, launching in June
The standard Gemma models were only available in 2 billion and 7 billion parameter versions, making this quite a step up.
This is a great example of a company using generative AI to open its software to more users.
Google’s Circle to Search feature will now be able to solve more complex problems across psychics and math word problems.
People can now search using a video they upload combined with a text query to get an AI overview of the answers they need.
A search results page based on generative AI as its ranking mechanism will have wide-reaching consequences for online publishers.
Google has built a custom Gemini model for search to combine real-time information, Google’s ranking, long context and multimodal features.
At its Google I/O developer conference, Google on Tuesday announced the next generation of its Tensor Processing Units (TPU) AI chips.
Google is upgrading Gemini, its AI-powered chatbot, with features aimed at making the experience more ambient and contextually useful.
Comment