‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not an iPhone was buzzing, nor the click of a mouse;
The Androids were plugged on the night stand with care,
In hopes that new Snapchats soon would be there;
The children were nestled in their new Casper beds;
While Spotify Discover Weekly songs rang in their heads;
And Mamma in her Net-A-Porter, and Dad in his Mr.
In a beach Airbnb, applied aloe to blisters
When outside the Dropcam detected a clatter,
I checked my Canary app to see what was the matter.
No breach had been made but I was up from my rest,
So I decided to rise and check on the Nest.
The beach air was humid, there wouldn’t be snow,
But I checked Yahoo Weather just to be sho’,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But an Amazon drone, presents strung to its rear,
This Christmas was outsourced to Jeff Bezos himself,
St. Nick no longer pulling gifts from the shelf.
More rapid than reindeer, cardboard boxes they came,
Asked Siri how to gift wrap and she called me by name.
I feared the children might wake from the sound
Of the drone’s swift deliv’ry, boxes pounding the ground.
When I checked I was right, but they were caught in their feeds
Tinder and Instagram, @fuckjerry indeed.
They tapped and they liked, swiped left and swiped right
The Phillips Hue lightbulbs glowed green and red light.
I glanced at my Apple Watch to check on the time:
Morning was coming, signing the end of this rhyme.
But before I press publish, and wait for first light,
Happy Christmas to all and to all, a good night.
‘Twas The Night Before Christmas In 2015
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